Top 10 Reasons to Not Visit Australia

It’s common knowledge that everything in Australia is trying to kill you. You might’ve already read the satirical “Top 5 reasons you shouldn’t go to Australia“, or you might not, but here are, with pictures, the top 10 reasons to not visit Australia. And these are all completely legitimate reasons, not even joking!

1. Redback

Ahh, spiders. Who doesn’t love spiders? Oh right, everyone. These venomous little creatures are so small you’d never expect that they could be deadly. They’re responsible for a large % of  bites in Australia, and the bite alone can cause nausea, vomiting, headaches and sweating. And being bitten hurts as per all creatures. That’s only one species, lets not get started on the Huntsmen, funnel-web and trapdoor spiders.

2. Box Jellyfish

I’m no expert, but I’d guess they’re called box jellyfish because they look like boxes. Probably. These jellyfish are extremely venomous and their stings can cause serious harm to humans – heck, they can even be fatal. The best part? The most dangerous species of box jellyfish happens to live in Australia. Feel free to Google ‘Box Jellyfish Sting’. Better stay away from the water.

3. Eastern Brown Snake

Australia is home to something like 7 of the worlds deadliest snakes can be found in Australia. The deadliest being the inland taipan, apparently. Eastern Brown Snakes are on this list because they’re a LOT more common. They’re also really dangerous, and super angry. If you see one, I’d highly suggest getting away from it ASAP and never returning. The common brown snakes are pretty little things though, especially when they’re coiling up and raising themselves off the ground as if they’re being charmed, but make sure you don’t get bitten. A bite from one of these guys can cause ‘Venom-induced consumption coagulopathy’ (blood clotting), kidney failure, paralysis and cardiac arrest. All that and they’re still only the 2nd deadliest.

4. Cassowary

Aww look a pretty blue and pink and purple birdy! But seriously, look at the size of those feet and claws. Cassowaries are usually shy, but those that have had human contact can be dangerous. Think of it this way, the only bird heavier than a cassowary is an ostrich. They can grow to be 6 feet tall (180 cm) and they can run at up to 31 mph through the jungle. So not only are they massive, they’re quick, short tempered with sharp claws. Steer clear.

5. Red Kangaroo

Ah the famous Australian marsupial, the kangaroo. They’re not as harmless and docile as you might think. Male red kangaroos have been known to reach over 2 metres tall standing upright, and weigh over 90 kilograms. They’re usually a bit shorter though. A kangaroos kick is capable of tearing open human flesh – they kick you in the stomach and you’re in serious trouble. ‘Roos are alpha dominant, so if you get in the way they’re likely to want to fight you. If they do, the best (and only) advice I was ever given is to put something sturdy, like a big tree, between you and the kangaroo. You won’t be able to outrun it.

6. Saltwater Crocodile

These monsters can grow to be over 6 metres long and weigh more than a ton. Despite the name they live in all sorts of places where you’d least expect them – all the better to surprise you and turn you into dinner. They’re territorial, so if you find yourself in the wrong place they’ll more than likely attack you. Crocs are capable of breaching the water and jumping ridiculously high (particularly the juveniles), and they’ve got a pretty nasty bite too. That’s not even including the infamous death roll. It’s probably best to keep all of your body parts protected if you’re on the water in Salty territories.

7. Great White Shark

Do I need to explain this one to you? A 4 metre long, 1 ton bundle of death. I mean, just look at those teeth! Granted that they don’t hunt humans, but if you’re flopping around like a seal there’s a good chance it’ll take a chunk out of you. And the best way to look like a seal? That’s by swimming and surfing. Coupled with jellyfish and crocodiles, good luck in the Australian waters.

8. Dingo

Dingoes might not seem like the most vicious predator you can find in Australia, but on the land, they are in fact, the largest. They look a lot like dogs, but they’re technically wolves – and everyone knows wolves are dangerous. As with all “dogs” (as in lions being cats etc) if you get bitten you risk contracting rabies, and it’s really going to hurt. You’ve probably all heard “a dingo ate my baby”, and if not, you aught to be careful else you’ll find yourself making those claims.

9. More Spiders

As in, raining spiders. The spiders release silk as they’re “jumping” which then causes them to be picked up and carried away with the wind. Well eventually the wind will stop blowing and voila, it’s raining spiders. The gossamer then ends up all over the place and you’re left with millions of spiders and a ridiculous amount of webs. An arachnophobe’s nightmare.

10. Dropbear

Ah, the fabled dropbear – big cousin to the cute and cuddly koala. Unlike koalas, dropbears are carnivorous, and are also much larger. They hunt their prey by hiding amongst the tree tops and dropping down on their preys heads from above, which is how they earned their name. Dropbears are even known to hunt humans in more urban areas, particularly in dense foliage such as parks.